Well, I’ve been in business for a month, and I’m proud to say that sales are strong. Well, maybe not strong, but not anemic. Well, not anemic, but, um, well, there’s room for improvement. Let’s just say that sales can really only go up, because if they went down then we wouldn’t call them sales anymore, we’d call them no sales.
Ok. So, I sold one. That’s what I’m saying. Not bad for the first three weeks, but, again — room for improvement.
Thus, I remember my “how to be a millionaire” class, and say “Hey — I’ve got to get some eyeballs on my website so I can make sales.” And, how to get eyeballs on the site? That’s right. I’m buying ads for it.
Well, trying to. Here’s the funny thing. The places I try to buy ads all don’t want my money. They’re like “Um, I don’t think we can take your ad for a placebo that reduces the size of the penis, because, well, ick.” And stuff like that. Google, worth like a trillion dollars? Won’t take it for the content network; will take it for the “text ads” network, but only when folks search for specific things. Try it out — go to Google, and search for “Penis Reduction“. Odds are I’m the only “sponsored ad”. Don’t click on the link, though, because you’ll cost me 50¢ or something. payday loan on lineno faxing needed payday loanfaxless loan online paydayfast payday loanadvance cash loan payday quickinstant faxless payday loanfast cash advance payday loanfast easy payday loaneasy payday loanone hour payday loancash loan payday tilno fax required payday loan24 hour loan paydayameriloan payday loanonline payday loan applicationadvance cash loan loan paydayfax guaranteed loan no paydaybad credit payday loan,bad credit same day payday loan,bad credit payday personal loanpayday loan in toronto,payday loan toronto,loan payday torontoten dollar payday loanaccount bank loan no payday1000 loan payday,payday loan up to 1000,1000 loan no payday telecheckfax free loan paydayconsolidate debt loan payday,consolidate payday loan debtno credit payday loanday loan payday same,day loan no payday same teletrackadvance america loan payday1 hour payday loanhour loan online paydayinstant loan online paydaycash loan payday tillpayday loan no faxing requiredloan till payday,info loan payday till,loan payday tillonline no fax payday loanloan payday yahoopayday loan cash advance loanadvance america payday loanadvance cash net payday usasonic payday loanapproval instant loan online paydayinternet payday loan law,internet loan payday,business internet loan payday startloan payday software,ca in loan payday softwarefax free payday loanchicago in loan payday store,chicago loan payday storecost loan low paydayadvance cash fax no paydayhour in loan one payday,hour loan one payday,faxless hour loan one paydayconsolidation debt loan paydayfax loan no payday requiredno faxing payday loan Instead, go to my site direct — Penis Reduction Pills.com. Then, buy something.
Oh, and Yahoo? Couldn’t figure out how to place an ad. I’ve only got a Masters of Science, so I guess that’s expected, because as near as I can tell they don’t actually want my money because I can’t see how I buy ads on their network, assuming they even have an ad network. Plus, I’d just be giving money to Microsoft, and I hate that.
So, I thought — Facebook. Yea. That’s filled with college students, and recent graduates, and they’ve mostly got senses of humor and disposable income. Nope. Facebook doesn’t want the ad. “Adult content”, I think, since I’ve had no luck figuring out what particular bit of their rules I’m tripping over. Their site is fine for pictures of skantily clad, underage, drunken college students bragging about their recent “scores”, but an ad for a penis reducing placebo? Not appropriate. sigh ( Oh, and if you’re on Facebook, join my fan club!
My biggest success was when Dave Barry linked to my site from his blog, which got me a metric buttload of hits — about 3,000, all told, which was about 3,000 more than I normally have. Woo! Success! Boo! Nobody thought to buy them. On the plus side, I sent a box out to Dave ( because I’ve always loved his writing and such ), and when it arrived his assistant posted to the blog showing his mailbox, and said that Dave was quite amused by it. So, I amused Dave Barry, however briefly, so I can die happy.
One thing that I’m sure is going to pay off is buying an ad on the Million Zimbabwe Dollar Home Page. I bought 9,000 pixels, which cost me ( I think ) 9 billion Zimbabwe dollars, which I think was around 40¢. I’m sure that it is going to pay off big. Go there and take a look at the ad!
Got an idea for what else I should do? Right now, my plan to make huge piles of cash with this is looking kind of broken. Given that it appears I’m willing to throw cash down this hole until it’s full, what next?
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